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Life is a Roller Coaster

Life is such a roller coaster.  Yesterday brought heartbreaking news about one situation and great news about another.

My dad has been in ICU for about 3 weeks now.  He went in with severe fluid on the lungs and now his kidneys are failing.  They still work for now, but once they stop, he will likely have only a week or two left, but no one knows how long they will keep working.  The doc said my dad isn’t strong enough for dialysis and there comes a point when you’ve done all you can, so he recommended to keep managing the lungs since the kidneys would be the less painful way to go…

On the other hand…

We found out some great news.  My husband and I have been approved for new positions where we work.  We still are not commissioned officers, but it’s kind of like a promotion. We are just waiting on them to find an opening for us.  So yay!

All of this on the same day.

happy-and-sad

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To.

Well, another birthday is here.  This just isn’t where I thought I would be at 45 years old.  I try to stay focused on the positive things, and I did really well for a long time, but lately the tears are coming again.  I gave up my beautiful home. I don’t look forward to going back to the academic world one bit. I don’t want to be writing sermons and papers till ungodly hours at night.

Lately I’ve been mad at myself also because I know I am not helpless.  In reality, I have all the control.  I am just too scared to exercise it.  So here I am, another year older and still feel stuck.  Shoot me now.

Been a Rough One Here

Sad-DanboWarning: this is a vent post.

This week has been a rough one.

A battle in my head that I haven’t had for a long time.

It started with the Sunday sermon. it was on the Apostle Paul talking about his “thorn in the flesh”, yet he never mentions what it was.

Over the past few years I have looked at my struggle in my marriage as a “thorn in the flesh,” so I immediately become raw.

Things were getting better just before our family fiasco right after the new year. Now they are back to the same old, same old.

We just don’t fight about it.  I give up. I surrender.

Then EVERY stinking day this week as I read my devotional, fb newsfeed or something else.  What has it been about? “How to Make Your Man Happy”  or “15 Ways to Capture His Heart”    as Todd Chrisley says, “Are you for real, right now?”

Sorry for the rant.  Been a rough one…   Oh, well, at least next week is vacation.