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Let’s Do Better Than Purity Culture

I was recently reading about the harmful effects of the purity movement.  While I do think God’s plan is for us to wait for marriage, this movement seems to have done more harm than good. These extreme Evangelicals twist God’s plan and cause unnecessary trauma.

Purity culture ties a woman’s value and worth to her virginity.  That is just sooooo wrong. Jesus did not treat the woman at the well like she was less than anyone else.  Sure, He told her He knew what she had done, but He still treated her with kindness. God even used the prostitute, Rahab, and saved her whole family from the destruction of Jericho.

God’s plan for us to wait until marriage is for our benefit.  Waiting until marriage prevents unwanted pregnancy and the spread of diseases. It can also prevent grief and heartache if a relationship doesn’t last, but it has absolutely nothing to do with how He values us as His children.  Our worth is not based on our virginity.

As a mom to two teenagers, I am encouraging them to wait on sex until marriage, but I don’t make them feel like they won’t be worth anything if they don’t.  I educate them and have them educate themselves.  When my daughter was 15, I had her research various forms of birth control and how they worked. Then, I had her find the failure rate for each.  After that, I had her research various STD’s and learn about the symptoms and treatments.

We need to stop the nonsense of making our worth based on virginity. Stop comparing people to used up pizza or a damaged bicycle. We’re human beings.  God’s plan for sex to be within marriage is simply for our benefit, nothing more. It doesn’t have anything to do with our worth in His eyes.

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My Response

Got this ready to send in response to my brother’s message (see previous post for full story on the drama that unfolded after my dad’s death). What do ya’ll think?

First of all, I think it is pretty sad that your first thought after Dad’s death was of money and an isurance policy.

Second, don’t curse at me, and don’t call my mother a “psycho”.  She took care of Dad for all these years.  She fed him, cleaned him, washed him, gave him his meds, breathing treatments, suctioned junk from his throat etc… Didn’t see you help. You haven’t even bothered to call and check on him in over 4 years. None of us had your phone number or address, so don’t be upset that you found out on fb.   The last time you did see him, he was in the hospital, so you knew he was pretty sick and wouldn’t be around forever.

BTW:  My children are not foreign. They were born in America, and my husband and I paid all fees on our own with our savings. So, no, I did not get “your” money to adopt my children.

You are 47 years old. Time to stop the drugs, abusing your woman, and stay out of jail. Grow up.

Drama

Life is getting back to normal following my dad’s death, but now the drama has begun.  My half brother (we shared the same dad but have different mothers), who had not bothered to call or come see our dad in over 4 years, is now having a fit that some insurance policy was cancelled back in 2005. There was no, “OMG! My dad is gone. I’m so upset”  It was all about money.

The crazy part is he sent me a nasty fb message cursing me out and accusing me of having my “psycho” mom talk our dad into cancelling the policy and giving me the money to adopt our “foreign” children.  Ummm…no.  I never had any idea about any insurance policy, and my children are not foreign. They were born in America (Myirtle Beach, SC) and my husband and I paid the fees all on our own with our savings.

Help me! It’s about to get crazy.

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I Found Him

Several months ago I was on facebook and came across my cousin on my birth father’s side.  I have not seen my birth father in over 40 years.  I have been considering connecting with him for a few years now but have been too chicken. I was adopted by the wonderful man my mother married when I was 5, so I consider him my true father, but yea, I have always been curious about where I came from.

I “friended” my cousin, and she accepted telling me it was great to hear from me.  Last week, I noticed my birth father’s name on her page.  I asked my mom what she thought about me connecting with him.  She said she thought it would be fine and that he would probably be glad to hear from me.  She has always said he isn’t a bad guy. They were just young, stupid kids in high school when I came along.

He has accepted my request.  We’ll see what happens…

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Lori Wishes Josh and Anna Happy Anniversay

Well, Josh and Anna Duggar celebrated their anniversary recently. Yesterday Lori, the all knowing, self appointed spokesperson for God, praised Anna for standing by her man. She praised the Duggars and their love for the Lord, yada, yada, yada…Then why do they talk about their dumb, suffocating rules more than Jesus?  Legalism much?  I believe Jesus called people like them, Pharisees.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for forgiveness and working out problems in a marriage. However, in this situation, Anna is either being incredibly naive or just plain stupid.  Josh is only sorry he got caught.  He would likely still be continuing his bad behavior if he had not been busted.  People seem to forget that.

Lori harps on how much God hates divorce. Well, sure it’s not His plan, but neither is harming children.  If Josh does anything to those girls, God will also hold Anna accountable for not protecting them.  I commented on Lori’s blog that Anna let Josh come home too soon if she was going to stay with him.  It takes a long time to rebuild trust. Someone had the audacity to say that Anna could not be in charge of when he came home because that would put her in authority over her husband.  I just could not believe that comment.  Any clever responses would be welcome.

What amazes me is the fans that dismiss his actions as being a child.  Um no, 14 is old enough to know better and even be tried as an adult for some crimes.  I will give him some understanding and say that his idiot parents are to blame as well.  If Josh had been allowed to interact with other girls and not have to witness his pervert father hump his mother constantly, he may not have taken his normal teenage curiosity to his sisters.  That said, even a 14 year old should not be curious about a five-year-old.  Fortunately, the second scandal with the porn star did not indicate that he was still into little girls. So I suppose that is a good thing.  I just hope Anna is watching him closely.

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Life is a Roller Coaster

Life is such a roller coaster.  Yesterday brought heartbreaking news about one situation and great news about another.

My dad has been in ICU for about 3 weeks now.  He went in with severe fluid on the lungs and now his kidneys are failing.  They still work for now, but once they stop, he will likely have only a week or two left, but no one knows how long they will keep working.  The doc said my dad isn’t strong enough for dialysis and there comes a point when you’ve done all you can, so he recommended to keep managing the lungs since the kidneys would be the less painful way to go…

On the other hand…

We found out some great news.  My husband and I have been approved for new positions where we work.  We still are not commissioned officers, but it’s kind of like a promotion. We are just waiting on them to find an opening for us.  So yay!

All of this on the same day.

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My Response to Lori Part 2

Well, today was the same old drivel from Her Highness, Mrs. Lori. Stay home Mother’s are the only ones who care about their children. All children want to be cooped up in the house all day.  As she has said in the past,  you shouldn’t go anywhere because play dates will lead to the mothers gossiping and the children might mess up the other house before the mighty king husband comes home.  We also must not forget that the mothers might get sidetracked with their gossiping and not make it home in time to make the king’s dinner.

I do have to admit I believe there are some moms that could stay home if they cut back spending. The biggest factor in the decision is the husband’s salary and job security.   If the husband only makes minimum wage, and there are even 2 chikdren, it won’t work. In my stste, the minimum wage is only $ 7.35 an hr. Sure, most men make more than thst, but the average rent on a 2 bedroom apt. Is $915.00. So even $9.00 or $10.00 an hr is still not enough if you are going to properly care for children without govt. help.   And don’t get me started on the time she said schools shouldn’t have a free lunch program.

Sone readers on Lori’s blog brag about how they have a ton of kids and make it on less than $30,000 or even $25,000.  That would be a red flag for me to suggest a Social Services visit to make sure those children have enough food. clothes, etc.

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