Well, another birthday is here. This just isn’t where I thought I would be at 45 years old. I try to stay focused on the positive things, and I did really well for a long time, but lately the tears are coming again. I gave up my beautiful home. I don’t look forward to going back to the academic world one bit. I don’t want to be writing sermons and papers till ungodly hours at night.
Lately I’ve been mad at myself also because I know I am not helpless. In reality, I have all the control. I am just too scared to exercise it. So here I am, another year older and still feel stuck. Shoot me now.