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I Found Him

Several months ago I was on facebook and came across my cousin on my birth father’s side.  I have not seen my birth father in over 40 years.  I have been considering connecting with him for a few years now but have been too chicken. I was adopted by the wonderful man my mother married when I was 5, so I consider him my true father, but yea, I have always been curious about where I came from.

I “friended” my cousin, and she accepted telling me it was great to hear from me.  Last week, I noticed my birth father’s name on her page.  I asked my mom what she thought about me connecting with him.  She said she thought it would be fine and that he would probably be glad to hear from me.  She has always said he isn’t a bad guy. They were just young, stupid kids in high school when I came along.

He has accepted my request.  We’ll see what happens…

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God Counts Your Tears

Tomorrow will be my 10th Mother’s Day.  I am so thankful for my sweet children.  I think back to the looooong journey to get to this point.  Fertility meds did not work, so we started the adoption process. Then, for two years in a row. we were chosen two different times for a baby, but both birth mothers changed their minds and kept their babies.

I remember it like it was yesterdsy even though it was 1996 and 1997.  The one in 1997 was the worst.  I was so angry at God. The first time hurt, but I consoled myself that adoptions don’t always work out and it must not have been God’s will. The second time I was angry at God for allowing this to happen again.  I refused to pray or go to church.  I remember carrying out the baby supplies we had bought and throwing them in the trash and then walking back in the garage thinking how easy it would be to just shut the door and crank up my car. The pain would be over. I knew I would never have the nerve to follow through, but I still thought about it.

Today I am so thankful I held on a little longer.  God led us to a place and pretty much dropped a brother and sister in our lap.   I am so blessed.

To those who may be in pain this Mother’s Day, hang in there.  God counts all your tears.

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Adoption Doesn’t Have to Cost an Arm and a Leg

This morning I commented on a post concerning adoption, and I thought what I shared might be useful for those looking to adopt.  Adoption doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.  What many private agencies charge is robbery (IMO).

If the unholy cost of adoption is stopping you, check out your local social services agency.  That is where my husband and I finally adopted.  It was way cheaper, and since we got a brother and sister at the same time, one fee for approval took care of both children.

I can only speak for South Carolina, but the fee there was $1000.00 in 2006.  It covered the home study, background check and fire/safety inspection.  It is nothing major. The social worker comes to see the home and the room(s) the child will have.  The fire dept. comes to make sure you have smoke detectors, a fire extinguisher, and that you have drawn an escape plan.

The only additional fees are the ones from the attorney you choose, and the court costs to complete the paperwork.  That was around another $700.00 in our case.  We also had to get physicals, so that would depend on insurance and the doctor’s fee.

Just thought I would share this in case anyone out there in blog land is looking to adopt, but wondering how to come up with the massive amount of money.  You don’t need to go to a private agency that will charge thousands and thousands of dollars to set you up with a birth mother who can possibly want you to cover her medical expenses and who still has the right to change her mind without having to repay you.  The agency will not return any money either.  We started our adoption journey with a private agency, and learned the hard way.  We were chosen by two different birth mothers who both changed their minds at the last minute, and the agency couldn’t have cared less.  Fortunately, we never agreed to pay any medical expenses for these girls.

OK, rant over.  I highly recommend checking out your local social services.  You will likely have to take a child a little bit older as they don’t have many infants (ours were 3 and 4), but, 10 years later we have two beautiful, healthy teenagers.

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As I think about the likely loss of my wonderful adoptive father in the near future. This is something I have been thinking about…
To find him, or not to find him….

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Do not live with regret

For what you never had

Become the adult

He should have been

He simply started your life

He didn’t nourish it or you

He had a brief moment

You have a real lifetime

It’s not about conception

It’s about the creation

Giving meaning to life

Love is not discovered

It’s nurtured by choices

His history is not yours

He merely opened a chapter

In the story of your life

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