Let’s Do Better Than Purity Culture

I was recently reading about the harmful effects of the purity movement.  While I do think God’s plan is for us to wait for marriage, this movement seems to have done more harm than good. These extreme Evangelicals twist God’s plan and cause unnecessary trauma.

Purity culture ties a woman’s value and worth to her virginity.  That is just sooooo wrong. Jesus did not treat the woman at the well like she was less than anyone else.  Sure, He told her He knew what she had done, but He still treated her with kindness. God even used the prostitute, Rahab, and saved her whole family from the destruction of Jericho.

God’s plan for us to wait until marriage is for our benefit.  Waiting until marriage prevents unwanted pregnancy and the spread of diseases. It can also prevent grief and heartache if a relationship doesn’t last, but it has absolutely nothing to do with how He values us as His children.  Our worth is not based on our virginity.

As a mom to two teenagers, I am encouraging them to wait on sex until marriage, but I don’t make them feel like they won’t be worth anything if they don’t.  I educate them and have them educate themselves.  When my daughter was 15, I had her research various forms of birth control and how they worked. Then, I had her find the failure rate for each.  After that, I had her research various STD’s and learn about the symptoms and treatments.

We need to stop the nonsense of making our worth based on virginity. Stop comparing people to used up pizza or a damaged bicycle. We’re human beings.  God’s plan for sex to be within marriage is simply for our benefit, nothing more. It doesn’t have anything to do with our worth in His eyes.



My Response to Lori Part 2

Well, today was the same old drivel from Her Highness, Mrs. Lori. Stay home Mother’s are the only ones who care about their children. All children want to be cooped up in the house all day.  As she has said in the past,  you shouldn’t go anywhere because play dates will lead to the mothers gossiping and the children might mess up the other house before the mighty king husband comes home.  We also must not forget that the mothers might get sidetracked with their gossiping and not make it home in time to make the king’s dinner.

I do have to admit I believe there are some moms that could stay home if they cut back spending. The biggest factor in the decision is the husband’s salary and job security.   If the husband only makes minimum wage, and there are even 2 chikdren, it won’t work. In my stste, the minimum wage is only $ 7.35 an hr. Sure, most men make more than thst, but the average rent on a 2 bedroom apt. Is $915.00. So even $9.00 or $10.00 an hr is still not enough if you are going to properly care for children without govt. help.   And don’t get me started on the time she said schools shouldn’t have a free lunch program.

Sone readers on Lori’s blog brag about how they have a ton of kids and make it on less than $30,000 or even $25,000.  That would be a red flag for me to suggest a Social Services visit to make sure those children have enough food. clothes, etc.


My Response to Lori

I don’t always have creative ideas for my writing, but a few months ago I discovered a blog that infuriates me most of the time.  I know, I know. Then why do I read it?  Well, it’s one of those train wrecks that you just have to look.  So yeah, I read it to see what drivel she is spouting for the day.

If you don’t know, her name is Lori Alexander. I do have to admit she shares some decent, Biblical principles.  My problem is her broad negative assumptions about women while almost idolizing men.  Women are controlling, wasteful, and only work outside the home for material things and fancy vacations. I’m not kidding. She  has said these things.

She can’t understand why people challenge her and say she hates women. She believes she is actually encouraging women and preaches Titus 2 like there aren’t 65 other books in the Bible. Of course, when she receives negative feedback, she will block you on fb or won’t approve your comment on her blog.

So I thought my responses would make good blog material.

In today’s post, the only way to have a happy, stable child is for them to have a stay-at-home-mom.  I don’t think anyone would argue that a child having a mom at home full time is a good thing.  However, it is not the ONLY way to have a happy, secure child.  My mother had me at age 17 and worked all of my growing up years. I went to evil daycare and public school.  Somehow, I managed to have a  happy childhood and am close to my mother to this day.  My husband had his mother at home full time, and now he can’t stand her. My grandmother was home with my mom and her sisters, and all of them got into some sort of trouble (which is why I arrived before my mother completed high school).

So, while children having a stay-at-home-mom is a good thing. It is no guarantee the children will not have issues.


God Counts Your Tears

Tomorrow will be my 10th Mother’s Day.  I am so thankful for my sweet children.  I think back to the looooong journey to get to this point.  Fertility meds did not work, so we started the adoption process. Then, for two years in a row. we were chosen two different times for a baby, but both birth mothers changed their minds and kept their babies.

I remember it like it was yesterdsy even though it was 1996 and 1997.  The one in 1997 was the worst.  I was so angry at God. The first time hurt, but I consoled myself that adoptions don’t always work out and it must not have been God’s will. The second time I was angry at God for allowing this to happen again.  I refused to pray or go to church.  I remember carrying out the baby supplies we had bought and throwing them in the trash and then walking back in the garage thinking how easy it would be to just shut the door and crank up my car. The pain would be over. I knew I would never have the nerve to follow through, but I still thought about it.

Today I am so thankful I held on a little longer.  God led us to a place and pretty much dropped a brother and sister in our lap.   I am so blessed.

To those who may be in pain this Mother’s Day, hang in there.  God counts all your tears.


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Stop Misusing Scripture

I came across this blog.  While some of the things written are wise, some can be infuriating.  Now, I am not a feminist nor a “man hater”.  I am fine with traditional gender roles, stayed home with my children when they were small etc…

What really makes me fume is the judgmental attitude toward anyone who does not think like her.  Then she won’t approve your comment if you disagree, so I thought I would respond on my own blog:

God does not have the same plan for all women.  There is no scripture forbidding a woman from working outside the home, nor is there a commandment to stay home.  That is between a wife, her husband, and God.  If you read one of my previous posts, I stated that the woman in Proverbs 31 likely had to leave home some of the time to accomplish the things she did. It mentions she had servants. Hmmm, maybe to stay with the children so she could tend to business???  There is also not a command to have 19 kids.  The misuse of scripture is awful.  Yes, a man is blessed if his “quiver” is full of children, but it does not command you to be stupid and have more than you can manage.  For some, a quiver could be filled with 2, 3, or 5.

Don’t tell me I can’t make nutritious meals because I work outside the home.  You do know what a freezer is, right?  It’s very easy to cook a double recipe of something and freeze half for later.  Just like when we grill out steaks and freeze the extra so we can enjoy a steak dinner on a busy weeknight as well.  And guess what, you can pre cut veggies, and cook meat ahead of time to make life easier as well.

BTW, sure, I don’t mind cooking dinner and serving my family, but if my husband comes home while I’m fixing dinner and joins in, that is OK.  Cooking is something we like to do together like a hobby.  Get a grip, Lady.

Don’t tell me I can’t keep a clean house because I work either.  My husband is kind enough to pick up behind himself most of the time.  My teens have chores.  We all contribute.

Easy clean up tip:  before going to bed, take about 10 min and have everyone go through an area of the house and put away anything still out of place.

Yes, I do believe my husband is the leader and the head of the house.  I am fine with being his help mate (yes, that’s help MATE, not MEET).


Anyway, if you feel led, please bombard this misguided woman with the truth!  She follows Michael and Debi Pearl who are vile extremists that believe in spanking even infants as young as 4 months old. Yes, that’s 4 MONTHS old, not four years old.   Just Google “To Train Up a Child”  Let her know your thoughts on that as well if you wish.


Pearl 2



Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Some women believe if you live by traditional gender roles, you’re out of touch and weird. You’re living in the 1950’s.  They don’t see the value of having a mother at home.  Cooking and cleaning is beneath them and not worthwhile.

Other women think if you work outside the home you must be a “man hating” feminist and neglect your children if you don’t home school.

Why can’t we all just get along?  Why be so judgmental?  God has different plans for all of us.  Why can’t we just accept our “sisters” without criticizing their choices?

I’d say I am a mix of the two worlds of womanhood.   We do have some old fashioned gender roles in our family. I do defer to my husband on big decisions as he is the head of the house,  but he doesn’t control my every move and often tells me to do whatever I want. He does the yard work. I handle things for the children.

On the other hand, we all pitch in on cooking and cleaning, even our teenagers.

As my husband’s help mate, I have decided to work outside the home to help with savings. We could pay the bills on one income, but college and (I can’t believe I’m about to say this), retirement will come before we know it.

It is so frustrating to be judged.  God doesn’t have the same path for everyone in life. Recently, I was told feminist views have no place in the church.  OK, first of all, I am not a feminist.  I am very conservative (pro life, traditional marriage, etc.).  Here is a big one…I don’t hate men either.

After studying Proverbs 31, I can find no command for a woman to just stay home and have babies.  She was a business woman who considered a field and bought it. She selected wool and flax and made clothes to sell. She had employees because it states she gave things to her servants.  Now, in order to consider a field she would have to leave home to go inspect it.  Also, she would have to leave home to select the wool and flax to make her clothes.

So there, rant over : )


Adoption Doesn’t Have to Cost an Arm and a Leg

This morning I commented on a post concerning adoption, and I thought what I shared might be useful for those looking to adopt.  Adoption doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.  What many private agencies charge is robbery (IMO).

If the unholy cost of adoption is stopping you, check out your local social services agency.  That is where my husband and I finally adopted.  It was way cheaper, and since we got a brother and sister at the same time, one fee for approval took care of both children.

I can only speak for South Carolina, but the fee there was $1000.00 in 2006.  It covered the home study, background check and fire/safety inspection.  It is nothing major. The social worker comes to see the home and the room(s) the child will have.  The fire dept. comes to make sure you have smoke detectors, a fire extinguisher, and that you have drawn an escape plan.

The only additional fees are the ones from the attorney you choose, and the court costs to complete the paperwork.  That was around another $700.00 in our case.  We also had to get physicals, so that would depend on insurance and the doctor’s fee.

Just thought I would share this in case anyone out there in blog land is looking to adopt, but wondering how to come up with the massive amount of money.  You don’t need to go to a private agency that will charge thousands and thousands of dollars to set you up with a birth mother who can possibly want you to cover her medical expenses and who still has the right to change her mind without having to repay you.  The agency will not return any money either.  We started our adoption journey with a private agency, and learned the hard way.  We were chosen by two different birth mothers who both changed their minds at the last minute, and the agency couldn’t have cared less.  Fortunately, we never agreed to pay any medical expenses for these girls.

OK, rant over.  I highly recommend checking out your local social services.  You will likely have to take a child a little bit older as they don’t have many infants (ours were 3 and 4), but, 10 years later we have two beautiful, healthy teenagers.