When You’ve Had Almost All You Can Take

Our marriage like any other has its ups and downs.  We committed early on to never let divorce be an option however, I find myself thinking about actually considering a divorce more and more.  I can’t seem to stop myself from seriously thinking about it.  What else can you do when your spouse will hardly touch you?  OK, so I get a “goodbye” peck in the morning, and a hug occasionally, but that’s all.

If I try to bring it up we end up in a huge fight. I’ve pretty much given up even trying. No one wants someone doing something with them when they know the person doesn’t want to.   This has been going on for 7 years now.  I’m going nuts!

All of this got me thinking. If divorce is not an option, then doesn’t it give a spouse license to do whatever he/she wants since they know you won’t leave?????

Lot’s of folks say to pray.  Been there. Done that.  Nothings is happening.  I try to be quiet and not like the “dripping faucet” in the Bible.  Still nothing.  That just seems like silence is acceptance.

I know God does not want divorce, but it is soooooo hard.




10 thoughts on “When You’ve Had Almost All You Can Take

  1. There’s a lot more you can do to address problems like that than just pray (but don’t stop praying). It took a long time for my husband to be comfortable going to someone for help, but when he did we both learned a lot. We don’t really know another person as well as we think we do and I think God allows problems to force us to address deeper issues, and help our mates and ourselves in love. Leaving rarely solves everything and usually introduces a whole new set of problems. Feel your pain. Wish I could help.

  2. this is my first visit here – via Dragonfly – and so my first post of yours to read, so i do not know your story. i was married to a man who didn’t want me. it turns out there was a reason for that that may not be the reason other men do not touch their wives. but how i really began learning about these things was one-on-one therapy with a seasoned, biblical, male therapist. it.was.hard. but i learned a lot about men and what their behavior and responses mean. not knowing anything else, i would recommend private therapy just for you … not with your husband, and not with an understanding that he will join you later (although this might happen). but just for you.

    we did end up divorced, and i can tell you, even ten years later, i hate it. i absolutely hate hate hate divorce. i hate everything about it.

      • honestly, it saved my life – figuratively and literally. ‘marriage therapy’ together rarely works. but individual therapy helps YOU regardless of what happens to the marriage. my ex was a pk and worked for a ministry institution, so i get the ministry side. idk where you live, but do your research. the first therapist i went to was a ‘christian’ woman, and at the first visit w/out knowing anything about us but the basics from a 30 minute convo, SHE decided we were getting divorced. i ditched her immediately and found someone else. you can read my story under the topic “My Story” on my blog, if interested. i’ve touched on it there, but i could not have survived anything w/out my therapist … and going to a male therapist gave me access to a healthy man who could explain why he was behaving the way he was. it was enlightening. i really do not think a female therapist could have given me the same insight.

        i’m so very sorry you’re going thru this. kudos to you for having the guts to even write about it. feeling trapped and alone and lonely and frustrated is a horrible place to be, but you don’t have to stay here. you can get help. you are not alone, and you’re not the only woman to have to deal with this stuff.

  3. It’s a long, hard road but worth it if you have not already tried counseling. It makes things worse at first but it’s better to have it all out than swept under a rug. Good luck! I’ve been there…

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